Mattered

Needless to say, I will be leaving in a month to a completely alien country where I have heard and seen many things of, and yet, never actually experienced it. 

It's almost surreal, to think that, oh my gosh, me, in America, HAWAII, really? You've been dreaming for so long that suddenly when the reality draws nearer you began to wonder whether this is actually happening. 

I've said so many goodbyes the past year; and always left the airports wondering when my turn would be. Will people come to say goodbye? Will they see me off, wave at me as I head towards the boarding gate? Or will it just be my mum and my brother... and no one else? 

In the end, only the real question remains: Do I matter to anyone? 

That is the real question. Not fancy gifts or elaborate messages, just a hug that says "I'll miss you", a simple sentence that goes, "We'll keep in touch, won't we?", and the sight of friends and family waving goodbye from above, where I'll be walking into the second terminal and on to an unpredictable and difficult chapter of my life. 

My wish would be to turn around and look behind me, right before I enter the terminal, and take with me the gazes and smiles of the people who had come to bid me adieu. After all, that is nothing more I'd want to have; that vision of my loved ones who cared enough, who loved me enough, to send me off with a final laugh at the dinner table and a simple wave from the sideline. 

What more could a person ask? 

Leaving the place I've called home for the past 20 years(practically all) of my life is exciting and yet incredibly daunting. Have I shown enough love and care to the people I love while I was here? Is it too late to make amends now?

In the end, we all only wish for one thing. To love and to be loved, doesn't quite cap it right. We can still love many people, but we do not necessarily show that we care.The correct phrase would be: To show the ones we love that they mattered to us; and to know that we matter to them as well.

There are a few people in my life that matter lots to me. 
And if they matter so much to me, then I should show them how much I care. 

What are words, when actions speak louder?