New Year's Eve

Twentyeleven. 

I have exactly half an hour to write my final post of the year, and I do believe I should cap a wonderful year altogether with a suitable blog post. :) 

I loved this year. It has been the best year of my life(minus those childhood playarounds which were always ever so carefree and fun), and truly one of new beginnings! I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, experienced new things, grew horizontal, shrunk vertically, got my teeth straightened out, had my braces removed AT LAST(freedumbbbbbbb!), strengthened my relationships with my mom and brothers, went through six months of being a stranger in IB, got top marks in my final year assessment, dropped out of IB(hurrah), abruptly changed courses, discovered a love for brownies, gained a craving for peanut butter, developed an extra layer of fat(make that two), became a camwhore, made my cat dance, got into a few bumpy knockarounds as a new driver on the road, became my sister and brother's personal therapist, became my classmate's personal psychiatrist, discovered a love for waffles, got addicted to frozen yoghurt, gained a craving for Haagen-Daz ice-cream, visited Singapore for the first time(at last!), grew my hair out, punched Matthew/Danny/Sam/Chris/Adrian/Joel/Ivor whenever they annoyed me, jabbed Chris to annoy him, threaten to chop off Chris' hair and shred his gray shirt, invaded the white people's home, got invaded by them in return, watched Land Before Time and sobbed(ITWASSOSADBWAAAAAAAA...), watched LION KING 3D, allowed my church buddies to view me in glasses for the first time, gained a love for hot coffee(caramel macchiato, mmm...), lost my pen, spilled water on my phone and ruined the battery, got a new phone(hurrah), attended my first church camp, attended Younified youth camp for the first time, had my nails turn purple in college nearly every day, nearly became an icicle at Fraser's Hill, lost my level of fitness(SOB), badmouth my orthodontist, disturb my cat each time she's sleeping, learnt how to pronounce 'harrass', argued with Americans over the pronunciation of 'lettuce', 'Haagen-Daz', and 'ration'...... the final one is a battle that has yet to be resolved. 

Those were the interesting highlights of my year... ups, downs, highs, lows. I don't regret any of it, and I will definitely not forget everything that has been either a blessing or a lesson to me. 

As for the future, 2012 now awaits. What it holds for me, only God knows. 

Happy New Year's Eve, everybody. ;)

For the final time, indeed. 

Cheers!

Done

I've done it. 

I've switched courses. 

It was so difficult today to sign my name on the form that acknowledged my acceptance into CPU. My heart was partly breaking because I was beginning to have second thoughts. My love for IB is not lost; but I think I'm doing what's best for me, and I don't think there's any way to look back anymore.

Breaking it to my former classmates was the hardest. I wrote a rationally long letter to them on the IB page, telling them how much I loved them and how much I had enjoyed IB for those six months despite the major stress and the low parts of it. The comments that followed only shattered my feelings even more; I really will miss my classmates, as different as day and night we are. 

I still cannot bring myself to look at my Taylor's bag with my acceptance letter, and brand-new ID card which they issued with a different student ID this time. I'm no longer 1107bh15703, I'm 1201C15703. I still have my IBDP ID card, and I'm going to keep it. Yes, I do believe I'm sounding really emotional right now, but, it's just, I didn't think it would be this hard switching courses. 

It just isn't fair. Having to re-start college, go through orientation again, start anew, adjust to different environments, different subject requirements, the syllabus.... how am I going to do this? The path of life is difficult, true, but sometimes, I just wished God would've made my decision a little clearer.

I haven't been close to God lately. I haven't touched my Bible in ages. I've only read a few pages of the wonderful devotion book my mom gave me. Same goes with the gift AJ gave me for Christmas. 

A few pages, always, then my enthusiasm is curbed. I'm always so excited at first, flipping through it, but then the interest is just....lost. Gone. I realize this, and I know its happening, yet, I can't seem to stop myself from letting it happen. I'm 'drifting', like how I once read in an article on the church pamphlet. Just going on with life, leaving God out of everything. I know this very well, and yet I'm not bothering to do anything about it.

I can make a difference. I know I should, and I have every ability to do so. I have full control of what I do, and a perfectly sound mind that knows what I should and must do. But I refuse to listen to them, to listen to my conscience. I just don't want to work harder to know God better. I'm lazy. Or I procrastinate. Even as I write this, I can write out all I want and splurge on my feelings, but later I will go to bed and just take a look at my Bible and devotion books and close my eyes and sleep till the next morning. And the cycle will just repeat itself. I know myself better than anyone, and I just know very well that even reading a few pages will not make much of a difference to me. 

Those devotion books only really work if you read and meditate on the word of God. You keep things in mind, you memorize Scriptures. You strive to feed that spiritual hunger within you. That spiritual hunger is just not present in me, at all. I'm beginning to doubt myself, and when I make mistakes, I run from God. I'm so ashamed to have done so, I feel as if I'm a hypocrite if I go to church and sing praises and worship, I feel like a hypocrite if I pray and talk to him, I feel as if I don't deserve to be near Him anymore. My worst fear is being a hypocrite in the eyes of the Lord, but I seem to be getting there. 

Maybe right now, even as I write this, I'm already a hypocrite. Perhaps all this talk and all this confessions may sound genuine because of the way I use language, but deep inside it's nothing. Truly, its nothing if I don't even bother to work to fix it. Maybe I'm destined to be a hypocrite for life.

I have that habit of avoiding people whenever they are mad at me, or if I think they're mad at me. I... just can't face them, be it their fault of mine or whatever. And the same goes with God. He's pretty much mad at me right now after all my mistakes, which keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and my stubbornness and refusal to fix them, nor ask Him for forgiveness. I can't bring myself to talk to Him, I'm way too ashamed and disgusted at myself, coupled with the lack of faith in God Himself. I don't apologize if I know I don't mean it, unless I was forced to or something. And my unwillingness to apologize to God would mean that I would be a hypocrite if I forced myself to talk to God and ask for forgiveness. Because, let's face it, God hates hypocrites. And my unwillingness is due to the fact I'm just not sorry at all. 

Why am I not sorry for my mistakes...? 

Heck, I don't know. God is merciful, yes, but only to those who truly regret what they did, and genuinely cry out for forgiveness. I refuse to be a hypocrite, and I refuse to ask for forgiveness, but then it just drags me down even more. But then, if I pretend to tell the Lord I'm sorry and all... He can see my heart. And He knows what is really going on in there. So why bother to pretend, when He's gonna punish you anyway for all that pretence?

..sometimes I feel sick of myself. I don't have any motivation for college in January. I don't feel motivation for anything. It's like, I have the energy and the capabilities, but I just don't have the passion. 

Well, whatever. I'm not depressed or anything, just, mildly frustrated at myself at times. 

I'll get a grip on myself soon. Whenever. Or when God throws me this huge rock and it hits me so hard I wake up and start bleeding. 

Somehow, I always presume that God will do that. All I can picture is God's wrath. And me at the receiving end of it. 

Who knows, maybe there's some truth in it.

U.S.S

HI ;)

Well I intended to allow my shirt to do the talking, but what the heck. Just in case there are some colorblind people seeing this, ya know?

Anyways. Just a warning; this post is super photo-heavy D: I didn't realize I took so many photos in Singapore. Well, I didn't take much, it was just at Universal Studios, where I felt I was on a sugar rush although I didn't eat properly all day. But.. here goes. Scroll down. IF YOU DARE.

WE'RE IN SINGAPORE! 

Passing the checkpoint at the border. Dad was frustrated(as usual) though there wasn't much fuss except he forgot to bring the immigration forms for ourselves. And then he got all stressed up when he couldn't find his GPS holder. Only to figure out he was holding it in his other hand... all this while. 

He didn't think it was funny, but we all laughed anyway XD. 

Singapore wasn't any different from KL, except it was (much much much more)cleaner, neater, organized, and everything including the signboards were in English and not Bahasa. Once we entered Orchard Road, where we were staying, however, it was like KL city centre all over again. With a few minor differences, but who cares? 

TEA! :D

We were all hungry after checking in, so we decided to go have a bite or two at the lounge. All that dainty little pastries and titbits and kuih.... *drools*. I was so ravenous I downed a whole bunch of food because I didn't feel hungry for lunch during our journey. That pink kuih was sooo yummy. So was the salmon. And the tuna spread. And the cheesecake... oh man.... 

..I shall stop thinking about food now. It's bad. BAAAD.

Anyways.. Adrian, I was having all these amazing stuff when I discovered you online and our Skype battle began. XD Just so you know.

Also, because Dad stayed at the hotel a bunch of times, they upgraded us to the executive suite. It was.. crazy, to say the least.

WE HAD WII. XD

That's Joel getting hooked on the Wii after discovering it in the room. He played it all evening.

Boardroom table..? 

We were quite confused, to say the least. I didn't understand when Dad told me there was a boardroom table in the suite that could sit ten people. I thought he was pulling my leg. Till I came up and saw this. 

Basically it didn't make sense; we needed a family room, not a business-cum-pleasure suite! But the table did not appear in vain, we put it to good use! As in, we used it for dinner when we ordered room service later on. It was hilarious.

Dad:

*Cleaning the crumbs and smudges on the table after dinner*

Mom:

"Careful, don't let the crumbs get stuck in the glass edges and the hole in the middle.."

Dad:

"Stupid table. Why on earth would they make it like that? You can't eat on it!"

Mom:

"WE'RE the ones that are stupid! This table ISN'T meant for eating; its a boardroom table for business meetings!"

Me:

*Sits at the head of the table*

"You're both fired."

Oh yeah. I was channeling my inner Donald Trump. ;D

We were reminded constantly to wake early the next morning, so we could catch an early breakfast and head to Universal Studios EARLY and catch the Transformers Ride before we got left behind and had to line up for two hours. At least, that was what happened to Kor's friend when she went there, or so Kor told me. And I kept true to my promise by waking at 6am *shudder*. Yes, I'm that dedicated. 

My Night Nest. :D

Joel and I refused to share sleep space, so he was content with the huge sofa and I was more than happy to have the king-sized bed all to myself :DD. I didn't like sleeping on just one side of the bed because it feels weird with an empty space next to me, so I have this habit of creating a sort of 'nest' in the middle of the huge bed whenever I have a double bed all to myself during vacation days. I did the same this time... and I did not disappoint myself. 

I had two large pillows and a few baby ones; Joel took the two extra pillows the hotel provided. I constructed that mess you now see above, and slept soundly like a baby all night long. I never had a better sleep; the bed was soooooo comfortable, and the quilt was so nice and soft and made the bed so cosy and warm :) . *Joy*

So when my alarm forced me up at 6am, I took the time to grab a snapshot of my bedtime memory. Doesn't it look oh so tempting? :D Hey, I only get to sleep in a double bed every once in a blue moon. My bed at home is a narrow miserly piece of mattress compared to that generous helping I enjoyed that night. *Sigh*

I never had so much freedom of movement in my sleep before.

..um.

I don't even know why I bothered to take this, let alone put it up here. I think maybe I was trying to show how many mirrors was lining the suite we stayed in. And yes, I was in a bathrobe. I like bathrobes. They always weigh me down when I wear the hotel ones because of their enormous XXXXL size or something. And slippers! :D Ahh, I do wish I had some of my own at home, but mom thinks they're unnecessary, and utterly ridiculous to have. I agree with her at some point, but.... she just tells me I should wear a sarong like she does. Um. I'd feel weird in a sarong. I wore it a few times during class camp(and then discovered my leg was bleeding from a leech bite), where my friends called me a Japanese. 

I beg your pardon? Japanese?? I'm supposed to look Nyonya! But oh well. I get mistaken for a whole lot of races anyway XD. 

I'm getting off-topic here, AGAIN. Arrgh! Focus, Esther, FOCUS. Kays, on to the next part...

Well I shouldn't think it's that hard to guess, eh?

The globe thingy. With fog spewing all around. 

If you're not careful, you'll lose yourself(or someone) in the thick parts. I lost Joel once. True story. 

Another true story :)

That would be me posing with the script that declares us as the First Family or something like that. 

We were standing in front of the gates waiting for it to open at ten(after arriving at nine thinking it'd be open, but noooo, Dad made a mistake, hurrah!), when a bunch of staff from U.S.S approached us and asked us whether we were a family with two kids. I was half-afraid they we were in trouble for something, till they dropped a bombshell and asked us whether we'd like to declare the opening of U.S.S for the day, and that there would be privileges if we agreed. Joel got nervous when they said we all had to speak, but I shushed him by asking him how much the Transformers Ride was worth to him(One of the privileges would be we get to enter the place first, woohoo!), and besides, how many people would ever get this sort of experience? 

..Dad messed up eventually. XD He was so eager about it, he forgot he had to introduce himself!

But anyways, besides getting to enter first, we were given a free photo taken with Po, and(the BEST surprise of all) a bunch of express passes to jump queue of any ride we wanted and go straight to the front! :DD Now, how awesome is that? 

Anyways, we declared the gates opened....

.. and headed straight for this. 

Oh yes, it was a time to be kiasu, indeed. And so worth it. :)

That ride was AWESOME. It's so awesome, I can't even describe it. We made sure to make full use of the express passes.... going on the ride three times. Ohyeahnowwho'sboss? :D

Joel and Camaro.

Family photo with Evac. 

I thought at first it was Optimus Prime, but Joel pointed out that it was the robot that we were supposed to be fighting with during the ride itself. We were his 'recruits' and were taken on a wild ride through Devastator's mouth and insides, along a street race with Bonecrusher and Sideswipe, flung through the air and into a building by (I think)Starscream.... I think I'm giving everything away. 

It was awesome. End of story, before I start telling it all over again.

Grabbed some shots of the architecture around U.S.S. I especially loved New York and Hollywood; they were amazing. I felt like I was in a dream. 

Walk of Fame. 

They were mostly of all the old celebrities that only my mom knew about. Vincent Price was one of only a few I actually recognized; the others just made blank spaces in my memory. LOL.

Deh Lion. :D

....

... okay, so maybe I've become a bit of a poser. I couldn't help myself. SORRY. 

However, I did love those crazy hats. They were pretty cool :D I chose the kookiest one and grabbed a quick shot of it before we got left behind by my brother and dad. Hah!

(Also, I only realized that the hat was actually meant for a guy to wear when I checked back on the photos later. Ultimate FAIL.)

CA.MA.RO.

If I was a gold digger; I'd marry a rich old man and get him to buy me this, complete with the Autobot insignia emblazoned on the side like this one. 

Unfortunately for my Camaro dreams, I don't believe in gold diggers. I'd rather die than marry some filthy, aging, wrinkly old man with pocketfuls of money he doesn't know what to do with them and goes and falls for some sweet-talking young girl whose eyes only light up with dollar signs. Yep, giving a jab at all those gold diggers out there. They need a life. Seriously, material stuff over emotional needs? No thanks. :S

Bumblebee! 

.. in 'human' form, of course. Joel got very peeved because the guy in charge cut us off from the queue and despite Dad trying to reason with him, he would not let us take photos with him. I just shrugged because I wasn't much into taking shots with Bumblebee, as much as I love Transformers, but Joel and Dad were pretty mad. Pity, they had to settle for this one instead. XD

Old-school glamor alright. 

CARS! :D

I loved those vintage cars they put on display. LOVED THEM. 

They were so quaint and cute and old-school! I spared no camera-taking when it came to this. For the first time in my life, cars became the centre of my attention. XD

We walked around for hours, sitting on rides, eating, going on more rides, exploring the different 'worlds', going to the bathroom, exploring different shops, resting.... it was endless.

I kept going back to Hollywood and New York, because it was awesome. I didn't much like Far Far Away, the place was too... fairy-like in a very odd, weird way. Like, I do like fairytales indeed(I grew up with Snow White and Cinderella etc etc), but I find the Shrek franchise gross. It just doesn't appeal to me. They've ripped the authenticity and classicism that the Disney fairytales have. It's not the same as Disneyland. I'd prolly feel magical in Disneyland, but till I go there someday, I suppose Far Far Away with its weird castle and bricks would have to be my closest memory. 

I LOATHED Madagascar. Oh my gosh, that place was like a zoo. Well, ironically indeed, I know. Lets see, it was hot, chaotic, noisy, suffocating, uninteresting, full of kids and families with prams, had more merchandise and food stalls than rides, and all the rides were for kids anyway. Yup, so amusing. Indeed.

The Lost World? ... it felt odd. Weird. Uncomfortable. I love dinosaurs, but the place just felt a little too plastic for me. All kids' rides and water fountains spurting out of stone dinosaur eggs, and a weird man walking around with his triceratops puppet and people going around it cooing as if it were real(I mean, seriously, come on, even the kids weren't falling for it). Sheesh, even my mom was going with the game and going all ga-ga with the baby triceratops. I felt mildly embarrassed. 

That's a lie. I was VERY embarrassed.

As for Ancient Egypt..... urgh. That was a creepy place D: Me no like it. Nope nope nope. The atmosphere and music that played throughout coupled with the architecture just sent chills and shudders up my spine and through my skin and made the hair on my head stand. It was not an enjoyable place to be; I'd prefer to be Far Far Away or even put up with wild animals in Madagascar, then stay in Ancient Egypt. 

Oh and one more thing. That Mummy Ride was freaky. It freaked me out so much, the effects were enough to give me nightmares. *SHUDDER* Thinking of the special effects right now is already making my skin crawl with fear. 

That's why, when in doubt, go back to HOLLYWOOD! :D  

OHYEAHWHOSEGOTTHISNOW?

We found the little cinematic shop that sold quaint little film stuff. There was a whole collection of golden Oscar statuettes declaring several titles like the one above. Hrhrhr... 

I'm very surprised my baby brother is suddenly so coy about this; but letting me grab a shot of it. Well, who knows his main motive. Either ways...

..nope, can't beat the boss! 

Baby golden statuettes.

Those declared us Best Son and Best Daughter. I badly wanted Best Grandma but there wasn't one for that size. We posed with them cause we didn't want to buy them, and hence sealed them as photographic memories. WOOTS.

And after that..? Well, since there were more express passes...

Grabbed this while on the express lane en route to an(other) epic journey aboard the Transformers Ride. 

Optimus Prime, I salute you. :DD

Oh, that ride. I would go on it a million times, but by the third time with Joel, I came out nursing a major headache. Maybe it was the lack of food due to my survival on mainly Milo and a few nibbles here and there all day, or the constant shaking and rolling of the ride. But it was worth it. Every little bit of it. 

Resting time( and posing time, of course, for a vain peacock that was me).

That was after we went for a Waterworld showcase, and was waiting for the Rock Musical to start. Pretty awesome shows, they both were. The water stage tempted me so, and gave me ideas about designing my future play in Theater Arts, then I remembered that I was gonna drop IB T.T *Sob*

The musical thing was rather cute. XD Frankenstein loves chicken rice!

Dad. 

On the phone. XD Mom urged me to grab that shot, because he was just with his phone all day with clients. He never leaves work alone; his job is waaaay too important. You know, for a man with so many things on his mind, he sure does know how to pose with the lamp post. 

Bottom line: I have a photogenic dad. XD

Even hidden cameras can't break that.

Seriously, my father smiles on rollercoasters, when everyone else has tragically traumatized screaming faces. Everyone asked why my dad looked so calm; heck, I asked him that the moment the ride was over and we saw the photo. And all he did was shrug. 

Nice job, Dad. 

NO FEAR. :D

Anyways, to end our rather eventful day out at U.S.S, we finally crawled into a taxi after spending literally ten hours in there. Well, I was basically dragging myself because I wasn't okay after the final Transformers Ride, and my head was spinning all the way during the journey from U.S.S to Lucky Plaza. I couldn't manage any dinner, which was a first considering a pig like me who can't live two hours without food. IKNOWRIGHT? I too was in shock.

That's a new idea though. Next time when wanting to lose weight, just give me nausea attacks and headaches; I'll stop eating. XD 

HMMMMM.... 

..holidays are coming to an end. T.T

Goodbye, freedom. College starts all over again in January.

Peace out. ;D

Merry Christmas

I'm late. As usuaaaaaal. :P

But anyways. Without further delay. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. ;D 

God bless the whole bunch of people whom I love to bits and pieces! 

This has been... the best Christmas I've had in my life. Never before have I celebrated Christmas this way, and I've never had more fun since the last ten years or so. But anyways, this Christmas has always been about others to me. And this post is dedicated to the people who mean the world to me; whom God has so generously blessed me with.

Mom and Dad

I love you guys. For being my parents. Not the perfect parents, but you have been awesome parents to all of us four kids. Thank you for all the love and sacrifices you have lavished upon us. And hey look, I've managed to capture a photo of Daddy smiling! :D

Joel

He may not know or realize it, but I love my baby brother to pieces. This year has truly brought us closer as siblings in many unexpected ways, and I have never once regretted that. In these growing years, we are learning to slowly rely on one another; and that is truly a blessing. He is trustworthy, faithful, patient, understanding, and every bit as annoying as any little brother can be, but he has indeed grown into a wonderful young man. God bless you, baby bro. :D

Steph and Tim

Ahhhh! What would I do without my Kor and Che? Steph, for being my awesome awesome big sister who shares my annoying common habits, and for dishing out the advice that every little sister requires in this stage of her life. Kor, for breaking out of his shell and becoming my friend, becoming my brother. For making the effort to fix our relationship despite the stale past years which saw us more as strangers than siblings. For finally changing his ways, for accepting the willingness to change, for finally becoming someone I can call my older brother. Thank you Lord for the work you have done that has blessed my siblings and I. Thank you for bringing us closer as a family, for fixing our relationships, for giving me a friend in the form of my older brother. 

My second family;

These are the people whom I met this year after joining Younified. And I've never looked back since. They have been nothing but a blessing to me, and have influenced me in ways I could never have imagined. They are the living examples of what God's amazing love can do in one's life.

Esther Marie

Esther Square! :DD She is my sister in Christ, and my awesome partner in crime(albeit the same name). She is understanding, sweet, nonjudgmental, patient, kind, and overall an angel who loves Jesus more than anything else. She was the last person I expected to grow close to, but God does have His strange ways. An amazing, amazing friend. Love you loads! 

My Younified members!

(I just chose this photo but it technically represents everyone else I know but are not in it. HEH.)

For granting me the fun I've never had, for showing me the love of God, and for being my second family whom I love and cherish time with. 

Theresa;

My sister in Christ and my sister always! For giving out the best advice, for being a patient and most understanding person I've ever met, for being there for me when I needed a friend, for being there for me when I had troubles and needed to confide in someone. You go girl. ;) Stay the way you are!

Chris

Yep, him too. Despite all his Fabio-ness and "Nope, just Chuck Testa." shootbacks which drive me crazy, he is truly an awesome(can I add immature in reference to the above pic? :D ) sort-of brother-friend-frenemy. Lesse..what's so memorable about him...hrmm... ahh. The glares. The hair-whipping. The jab attacks that drive him mad(with laughter). His 'cool' persona. His vanity. His love of camwhoring. His high opinion of himself. His sarcasm. His awkward silence. And most of all, the annoying influence he has on Joel. 

Yes, that's Chris for you. So Merry *jab* Christmas to you, Christopher Drew Howard. :D Oh wait, what? You don't like me revealing your middle name..? 

".. nope. Just Chuck Testa. "

Matthew

Festive season calls for retarded photos. XD I'm sorry Matthew!

But you are awesome. You cook AMAZING. Your talent in music is... indescribable. The patience and understanding you exude is enough to make even a complete stranger trust you. Thanks for the arguments, disagreements, debates and fights that I had with you. They were funny, and made me laugh. Yes, despite all the HARASSMENT. Oh, and thank you for being my punching bag! :D And also for being a huggable teddy bear. Thanks for the jokes and humor, for the laughs you've provided. You've done plenty in your few months here; more than enough to impact everyone else including me.

Danny and Sam

Mah brothers. :DD I've never had so many brothers and sisters in my life! God bless you guys. For being annoying, for making me laugh, for the advice, for the trust that you both hold. 

--Doesn't mean I'm not going to throw pie in your faces one day. Watch out. Sisters are meaaaaan. You don't mess with da girls! XD

But more than anything else.

Adrian.

There are just some people in your life who you just have nothing to say, because there's so much to say, and yet nothing will come out. Because these sort of people are special, indescribable, and so incredibly so that they leave you speechless. That there is just no way to put into words the joy and happiness they have brought into your life, and the beautiful experiences that have been nothing but the peaks of my year. For being one of the best people that have ever entered my life. For drawing me out of a very dark place, for showing and guiding me slowly into a world where things are brighter, happier, lighter. 

AJ/Remy/Adrian; 

You are that person. 

God has never sent a blessing that I have treasured more deeply. 

So this Christmas, I owe it to Him, for all the joy He has provided for me. Through you.

You are truly precious. Thank you, Lord.

Jesus.

Dear Lord,

This year has been nothing but a year of new beginnings. I fail You every day Lord, but yet You still lavish such happiness in my life, these people whom You sent to bring me up. Thanks Lord for coming to Earth, trapping Yourself in a human form, and suffering all that pain and hurt just so we could be saved. Lord, I don't understand. I do not understand how the shedding of Your blood and Your resurrection somehow was able to save us humans. I still don't get it; I'm still confused at times. But I do know the suffering You've been put through, and You did it all for us. Us humans who do not deserve it, but yet God, You refuse to forsake us. You could've just destroyed everything, Earth and all, and start anew. Start a new creation, a new being, that would be perfect and error-free. Then there wouldn't be all these problems. But You didn't, Lord. Why? Are we humans that worth it?

Apparently, we are. And nothing I do can ever make up for the sacrifice You made in exchange for my life. 

No form of celebration, no matter how grand, can truly give gratitude to the true meaning of Christmas. So, this Christmas, thank you for the wonderful time I had. Thank you for my renewed family relationships, for my new brothers and sisters I have been granted with, for the supportive friends and mentors, and lastly, for the best Gift You've ever gotten me. 

Thank you for bringing me Home once more.

Happy birthday, Lord. 

You are the reason to why Christmas is Christmas;

All praise and glory to Your name! :)

Lots of love;

your daughter, 

Esther.