God knows what happened to the poor turtle, who must have been in intense agony and stress, and the Lord knows what happened to her eggs she put so much effort into laying. All thanks to the selfishness and ignorance of man, innocent creatures are on the brink of extinction. And we call ourselves civilized beings? Are we still humans without humanity?
OK, so now I sound like some pathetic tree-hugger, screaming for justice and holding banners and dressing in vegetables. But it hurts me, it breaks my heart in pieces when creatures are hurt. It burns me when I had to do research on my World Issues presentation, having to watch live sharks getting finned alive, whale sharks' bodies being sliced into pieces, manta rays caught by the hundreds, and turtles who drown in fishermen nets. It burns to read news on police busting smugglers caught with hundreds of tiger skins, thousands of elephant tusks, and exotic birds and whatnot. I nearly sobbed when I saw a video of a fisherman hacking off the jaw of a shark, which had gotten stuck in his net, till he'd finally cut it off and the shark fell back into the ocean. No prizes for guessing whether it survived or not.
The funny thing is, a feel an empathy for the creatures of the world while I cannot feel the same way for humans, in the same degree. I would rather be off doing environmental efforts, and dedicating my effort into saving animals and especially marine creatures, rather than working in an orphanage or doing humanitarian work. It seems that my inability to connect with humans is made up by the fact I am so deeply affectionate to wild creatures that would never be able to thank or appreciate or understand me.
Am I being selfish? I admit that I am. People are, in the end, more important than the creatures God created. People have souls; animals don't. People's souls are at stake, while animals only have earthly suffering. God did not create us to save the lives of animals(though He does want us, I believe, to look after them and treasure them, something which we are NOT doing) but to put humans first. To save as many lives as we can.
Why, oh why, then, have I grown so attached to the world beyond me, due to my incompetence in relating to others? Nobody needs pro PR skills, yeah, sure, but if there was a grading system for human relations mine would be -30 or something. At youth group one night, when talking about God's will for us, Arun asked us to pray, and think about our passions in life. The first thing I thought about were sharks, whales, turtles, etc. If God gave us passions for a reason... I for one do not understand mine. I don't see how this is God's intention for my future. You do not save lives and minister to others, while you're busy trying to protect turtles!
One would say, "Relax! God will lead you... trust in Him.". Or at least, that's what my mum would say.
I do not see how my passions add up to any sense at the moment. I am a Malaysian girl, with lousy relational skills, introvert, going into an English major in university. Mary prayed over me once, and prophesied that I would one day be involved with elderly people, and there was something about the Jewish path back to China. Which confuses me even more, because it's a complete contrast of my passion as a youth. I have no connections with elderly folk. I barely communicate with my grandparents, I am always awkward amongst my mother's older friends. Also, I have a slight prejudice against China, my ancestral country. I have never wanted to go there, visit it even on holiday, let alone mix with the folk, elderly folk, who cannot speak English. To sum it up, I cannot speak a word of Mandarin!
It sounds brutally harsh, but my point is I am completely, utterly disinterested in China. Most Chinese history and culture do not interest me much, the people much less so when I can barely even hope of communicating with them. Really, what does God intend for me?
I see my current life as a bunch of jigsaw pieces from different puzzles. They would never fit in. Conservation, and life on the beach, versus China and elderly people. I have much hope for my future, but I must say it is a confused-looking one.
I love wild creatures, with an affection that is bemuses me sometimes. People are more important, but what sort of spiritual warrior am I, when I do not even have close girlfriends?
There are times when I look into the heavens, and ask God to show me something so incredible I would never doubt Him again. But I block it out because it is selfish to ask. It is selfish to ask God to do something when I have not been faithful, when I do not kneel in prayer or acknowledge Him, when I do not draw my strength from Him, when I fail to read and obey His word. God cannot come close, nor speak to any, when they do not thoroughly seek Him.
All we humans do is ask, ask, ask. We request this, we question that, we blame God for things that aren't his fault. We never stop once to look at our corrupted selves, and ask the same things. I am not being pretentious; I am exactly the same. I ask so much from Jesus and yet always fail to thank Him, to acknowledge His protection and love that He lavishes upon me.
I ask Him for answers, about my path, about His will for me. I ask Him all the time where I should go to university. I ask Him to tell me, to give me a direct answer. And then I leave Him, I ignore Him, because I get caught up in something else.
No wonder my mind is an addled mess. It is probably mixed with human pleasures, while tinkering with the prophecy of God. Perhaps... perhaps. But I suppose I shall only know when I seek my Father, genuinely and truly.
In the meantime, Lord, please do look out for those innocent little marine creatures out there. I know You love them as much, so please look after them as well as You look after all Your children on earth! :)
