A Moment Like This

One... split. Second. 

And then it flies away. But I was there. I felt everything.

And yes, it was fluttering. Madly fluttering.

Wouldn't you know.

Genius

OMG LOOK. 

MY ESSAY. IT'S UNDER 2000 WORDS. ESTHER I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. *SOB*

Thank you Jesus! :'D

Now, for math tomorrow. Come at me, bro.

You Don't Say

Subject shifted to camel spiders today. And guess what?

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You were absolutely right.

They are huge.

Comatose

I need rest.

Sleep.. that's all I want now. To just be able to have a peaceful sleep with no fits in between, no worry thoughts running up and down my mind. 

I'm tired, but sleep won't come. I'm exhausted, but I can't rest. My body is screaming for me to to pass out, but my mind is a violent whirlwind of essays, presentations, ISUs, and tests.

There's so much on my mind. Too much.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep

And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost

Wings

Tonight... we are young.

I'm so excited for tonight. Honestly, I was just thinking how anxiety-ridden we'd all be, and then I realized. I've not had this much fun before in college. Sure, the workload's annoying and such, but I've not enjoyed myself as much. I've met so many friends, I have fun in class, and tonight, that drama festival is ON. 

We've worked our tails off for this. I just wish my part wasn't one of the last scenes. XD I wonder which is more nerve-wrecking, being first up on stage or having to wait impatiently for your part at the end? 

Also, there will be a few unexpected guests in the audience. Oh my gravy. I gotta remember to keep my mouth shut next time. Only, there won't be a next time... darn. Bahhh. 

But, obviously, I'm going to take this in my stride. I love doing drama. And I may suck at this the first few times, but I'll make do with what I've got. I remember doing Shu Yi's TPPP for her, performing with Saimen, and it was awesome and horrendous at the same time XD. I loved the experience; but Saimen was a terrible actor. I would've gotten Adrian to act alongside me, but we were all the way in Hartamas, and there was no way he would be able to make it for rehearsals. Oh welps. I had fun anyways. :D

Lord, be with us tonight. Let us give the best performance we can. We're a lousy, amateur group of buzzies that are only doing this to be graded, but we still need all the help we can get. :D

Thanks!

Years

"I'm fifteen for a moment

Caught in between ten and twenty

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are.."

I remember four years ago when I first heard that song. And I was musing at the irony of it because I was just fifteen years old and thinking of how life would move so quickly. It reminded me, reminded me that "there's still time" for me, that fifteen is only the brink of a world I'd yet come to know. Nevertheless I was stubborn. I thought being fifteen was no biggie. Now that I'm nineteen... everything seems to be going exactly how the song said it would. It's creepy. But it reminds me of how fast life goes, every day is a gift. 

"I'm twenty-two for a moment. 

She feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars.."

..young love. I'm not twenty-two, but I suppose I can relate to this from a female's perspective. For those who don't know me too well, here's food for thought: I'd given up on love a long time ago. I had these fantasies of one day getting married and living happily ever after, but whenever I saw couples out hand-in-hand in public, I couldn't get it. I couldn't even understand how a woman could be so intimate with someone of the opposite sex, how she could share such personal things, how she could have such feelings for him. I couldn't understand how she could feel comfortable with his arm wrapped around her waist, I couldn't understand how she would want to kiss him when it would be so awkward, I couldn't even understand how she would want to hug or hold hands with a boyfriend. It baffled me, this person who never gave hugs(we don't hold with much affection here, ahem), even to girls. I suppose you can call me a cold-hearted, stone-souled human being. I didn't admit it then, but now I see it. I was a person who didn't believe in love, love was only infatuation, love was silly teenage crushes that wouldn't last. Love did not exist. 

Which was why when I heard those lyrics, I laughed. Twenty-two? A lover? HA. 

In your face, Cupid. I'll be busy in university. Catch me turning into one of those ridiculous young women that's all gooey and turned into marshmallow fluff. 

Mmm... marshmallow fluff. 

What the.. *slap*. Sorry, I don't know why I suddenly have this weird craving for marshmallow fluff. I've not had real marshmallow fluff, does half-melted barbecued marshmallows count as marshmallow fluff when you bite into them and the insides are all creamy-ish and gooey and drip all over your mouth? 

NEVERMIND. *Slap* I've gotten off-topic here, and in the meantime I've even forgotten what I was talking about. See, that's how easily I get distracted. I can jump from one topic to another without even thinking. *facepalm* Talk about talent, girl.

Where was I? Oh yes, about me turning into marshmallow fluff. HA. Give it  your best shot, Cupid. I'mma tough young woman. You don't know who you're dealing with. Come at me, bro!

Yeah. You better run.

And then I realized. There's no such thing as Cupid. Love does not come from a mythical children's fairytale story about a naked cherub with feathery wings and archery skills capable of making two people fall in love with a bullseye of his love arrows. Love comes from God. Only He is capable, and has the full ability, in changing a person's heart. Not "Cupid". Not even another human being. If you fall in love with a person, or love someone, be it family or friends, it's because God sent them to show you what it's really like to feel that way. I realized my mistakes; I'd never truly loved my friends during high school. I was selfish, I asked for so much but was not willing to return their gratitude. I didn't care for their feelings. I was a horrible person. And the same went with my family. I was mean to my brothers. Yet I complained that they treated me roughly. How is it their fault, when no one taught them to love their own sister? How could I  expect them to treat me with gentleness when all I've been treating them as were objects I resented in the house?

I'm glad that's all different now though. It's amazing how an accidental Sunday can turn your life into.

Love comes in many different forms. I've managed to discover some parts of it, thanks to God's miracle. And His love. But there's still so much more left to find out.

Hmm. Maybe I'll unwrap the mystery when I turn twenty-two.

Sights

"Tell me, did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated.."

"Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar..

..and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.."

Color Me

Tickle me... green. 

Taking a break from assignments to chill a little; so I went scrolling through the internet forum and found all sorts of colors. I LOVE color. And then I got mesmerized and carried away with this..this... green. I know I'm a girl; and obviously all the prettiest pictures I found were pink. But then again, I'm no ordinary female. I'm almost every bit a guy, in taste and in behavior too. 

 .. reminds me a lot of Morimo. He(he?) was the prettiest green I ever so. If he were bigger I'd hug him real tight. He was displaying this... this such brilliance of green I was staring for almost ten minutes. Darn public areas. But enough of that. 

You know how some people are adrenaline junkies or water junkies and whatnot? Well, I think I'm a color junkie. Along with being an ocean junkie and a beach junkie(that should be beach bum, but oh well), sunshine junkie, suntan junkie, island junkie... the heck. Esther, you need to get a life.

Oh, yeah, so I may not have a fancy for pink(I wear pink items, yes, but heck I used to hate pink like..like... I hated no one else), but hey, pretty pictures a pretty alluring. Well, sometimes. If they're not too overly-pinkish, and too girly, and too, um, feminine and mushy and lame and mainstream(cupcakes, ahem). 

Still I scrolled through anyway, and then, guess what?

I found this! 

D'GAAAH! FLOWERSHH! 

... okay, so I actually don't really take a liking to roses. Except those huge gigantic sweet-smelling ones I encountered once in Cameron Highlands during one of my childhood holidays(I still have a picture of that pink rose. I'll never forget it's smell). But I thought this color block was gorgeous. I just love the splashes of color in it; the flowered ring, the girl's dark hair contrasting with the orange-red blouse. Perhaps the way she's holding the bouquet is quuuite awkward, a little more relaxation would have made it look more natural. But it's the color I'm talking about. I'm obsessed with colors that complement each other. Especially dynamic color palettes that give such beautiful mixtures.

What on earth am I rambling on about colors for? It must be the weight of my work, and lack of sleep. Oh help, and 9am tomorrow morning?! 

Please let me dream in color tonight..

Bright As Day; Dark As Night

And then the wind blew;

And her wishes came true.

I love ferris wheels. It takes me back to my childhood when I used to be terrified of them, and once screamed in my aunt's lap when it stopped with us high above the ground. Yeah, I was a coward. A big fat coward.

But as the saying goes, you never appreciate what you really have till it's gone. 

Ferris wheels like these don't exist anymore. The beautiful traditional open-air ones, with quaint little carriages that let you see as far as the eye can go with the wind blowing softly around you. I was too young to appreciate that. I wish I could at least just turn back time; I wouldn't be such a chicken then, I would savor every bit of it and go on it a hundred times, yes, as many times as I was allowed to sit in the middle of the sky, to peek into either the clouds or the night stars and feel the silence of the wind and the air around me. 

I went to Pyramid the other day; and seeing the really lame indoor ferris wheel struck these thoughts within me. It was just... such a weak imitation. Where's the giant steel monster with flashing lights out in the open air? It's not the same anymore. Nothing can replace those ferris wheels of my childhood. Man, do I miss them right now. 

I doubt such ferris wheels still exist. The ones back in the day were part of a travelling funfair(there used to be loads and they always occupied Klang every now and then), but I think they've vanished out of existence now. They're all but extinct. *Sigh* 

"Pretty little lights, moving and reflecting,

A dozen dancing sparkles, they splash undeterring

Blurred explosive stars, color all a-fading,

Burst into darkness, and fear comes preying."

Victor

I won after all. :)

*HUGS*

Thank you. 

Om Nom Nom Nom

Spaghetti.. 

See, I just watched half of the superbly ancient film last weekend(never got the chance to finish it), and remembered this scene which was just so adorably romantic. Like, d'awww..I know they're just dogs, and to some it can seem quite pathetic, but honestly, it was the sweetest little scene, what with Bella Notte playing, it nearly made me cry... and don't get me started on the huge dose of nostalgia. I've completely forgotten what the story was about; except the cute spaghetti scene. But I didn't count for the magical atmosphere to surround me suddenly; it was just...amazing. The music...was just..... *@.@* I was under a spell. It was indescribable. 

I've watched lots of romantic movies; but not one has made me feel like this. I can't really explain it. It was a mixture of nostalgia and..and.. something else. Something I can't quite put a finger on. But it stirred enough emotion in me; just this humble little film about two dogs. 

I'd prolly cry if I watch that scene again. 

Nope, not even Titanic can beat this. Well, Jack died, so, unfortunately, there was no happy ending. At least this movie has Lady and Tramp 'married'(well, it's a kids show after all, they have to make it appropriate, right?) and ends up with... a whole litter of kids. YAY for happy endings! 

Bella Notte. 

Sounds pretty Italian to me.

Howdy

What you lookin' at? 

Taken during English class today; while trolling about with two other Shakespeare "enthusiasts". 

There, I made your wish come true. 

So stop complaining. :D

She's A Lady

"GRAWHHGRAWHHHGRAWWHH!!"

Heck yes I am. 

I'm creating a new breed of woman: The Gentlewoman.

Does not actually apply to relationships between female friends, but in fact, vice versa. 

The Gentlewoman treats the member of the opposite sex just like how a gentleman would treat a woman or a lady.

Why? Because being the weaker counterpart is too mainstream. I'm going hipster.

Or because there is a tremendous lack of gentlemen in this world, hence women must now start assuming the positions that were left vacated by the REAL men of the past, who treated a lady like a lady. Not like the fake ones of today who try and try but eventually failing and falling behind in the statistics, much to the disgust of the fairer sex.

Oh yes, that's what real women are made out of, right here. I'll roar at anyone who tries to harm the person who has newly-assumed the role of the fairer sex, whenever we are out. Though things might get difficult when I'm with my brother. Oh well. 

I'm a LADY.

Turned On

Today I indulged in my inner geek.

How can any girl NOT find this a total.. -----?!?!

Okay so not everyone knows this; but I'm a total Star Wars buff. I just freaking love it. I can't live without Star Wars. Just like how some people can't live without their pathetic Twilight, but Star Wars is a legendary, epic trilogy that depicts everything that is awesome to a nerd like me. 

Hot guys are a bonus.

What? Don't give me that look. I'm a young woman after all. I DESERVE to gush over freakishly sexy actors/rockers/tennis players/country singers/Scotty McCreery/other men...

*COUGH* Sorry. My hormones are getting jumpy. Anyways, moving on..

Ah, this. Thiiiiiis. 

I gush about this scene all the time to my girlfriends, my sister, my brother(poor thing), and, on special occasions, to friends who rather not hear about it. But then, it turns out they do wanna hear about it!

"Dude, did you see those ABS?? I mean... cmooooon!! He's freaking..---!! *dies*"

"Oh I'm sorry, I was too busy looking at NATALIE PORTMAN?!"

Whathey, I don't care! How can Hayden Christensen's awesomeness ever be overshadowed by some lame chic who dresses up to go to bed? EXACTLY. And she got to hug him too, much to my agitation. I was furious. I felt precisely like this:

"You get your hands off him and those muscles and those abs right now woman..."

Ah. Jealousy. XD

But seriously, how does that above scene NOT turn a girl on...?? I told this particularly to a certain friend whom I was having argumentative debates with about this, and we ended up with:

"He choked his wife and killed her."

"So? I'm attracted to men who commit domestic violence."

Honestly, I don't know where that answer came from. I was a lunatic. Oh dear. Help.

That's how much I love Anakin. Oh help. I'm going crazy. Run people. RUN FOR YER LIVES.