Awakening

Please don't kill me. 

Raff did her Social Challenges presentation today based on Abortion. Previously I'd known what abortions were, like duh, it was the removal of the foetus from the mother's womb. I'd seen maybe one or two pictures describing the procedure in which they carried it out, but nothing more. I didn't really see the big picture in the battle between pro-lifers and pro-rights groups. I didn't see what the big deal was.

Raff's presentation did not use many graphics; she merely elaborated mostly on the facts and details of the different types of abortions. Even then, her explanations failed to actually make any sort of impact on me.

Not till I Google-d about abortions did I realize the amount of tragedy wrapped up in the thousands of abortions happening every year. I found a website that had graphical support and was rendered speechless by what I saw. It was terrible. I had no idea what saline injection abortions really did to nearly full-grown foetuses. I even saw real dead babies who had their heads cut off, severed at the neck. And there was so much blood. Blood everywhere. The images were grotesque and pitiful, painful to the heart, for someone like me who truly desires children one day. I was imagining myself pregnant, and was squirming and wincing at the trauma of someone forcing an abortion on me. I would never do that to a child of mine. 

Babies, like my mum used to tell me, are a gift from God. Seeing those grotesque pictures of aborted foetuses with micrometer-sized tiny fingers and toes, a transparent layer of tissue and nothing else, really affects you. How could someone do that to their own child, their own self?

Abortion is definitely murder. 

Please don't murder these innocent lives. Give them a chance to live. Don't blame them for your mistake, or for whatever happened. Don't kill them. 

When I have my first child, I'm going to hold him/her real tight and thank the Lord for this little blessing He gave me. I'm going to look at the precious little fingers and eyes and nose and yawning mouth, and smile because of the joy he's brought into my life.

That's what babies are, they're blessings and happiness. They're not curses or jinxes. 

They're beautiful.

Just Sayin'..

White man meets random native copper-skinned woman..

..white man and copper-skinned woman somehow are able to converse in the same known language despite the colonizers and native Indians haven't never met before???

Epic Disney fail at its best. XD

Seriously, they forgot to put that into consideration. But then again, it would take too long and would make things too complicated for children if they rolled out a movie explaining how Pocahontas slowly picked up English and the awkward moments when John Smith and Pocahontas do wild hand gestures trying to communicate with each other.

Bahahahahaha... I just spoiled a beautiful Disney classic.

I always thought Pocahontas was so beautiful. I liked her better compared to tacky white princesses like Snow White(ZOMG), Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, etc. The least of my favorites was Belle. I suppose Cinderella comes in second, but still, she's still pretty useless. Geez. Even Barbie did a better job than these troupes of diva women.

I used to love Pocahontas' long black hair. After seeing so much blonde hair in cartoons, I finally could relate to some character. And yes, I did grow my hair to a very long length. Maybe I was unconsciously inspired by her, who knows. For some weird reason I don't consider Mulan too much of a role model, despite it being logical seeing she's Chinese like me and yadda yadda yadda. I suppose it's because I go against the typical stereotype of Chinese girls, such as sepet eyes and fair skin and long straight black hair. I like looking anything but Chinese. Which is why I found it a compliment when William called me a Polynesian(WIN). 

Honestly, I'm not really sure what I look like. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see a Chinese girl. Most people don't think I'm Chinese. Stephanie has been mistaken for a Japanese numerous times, and Joel has been mistaken for.. a whole bunch of stuff. Korean, Eurasian, you name it. What's weird is, while my older sister is busy fooling everyone with her Japanese looks, and Joel gets people asking whether he's of some odd blood mixture, neither of us have got mistaken for the same type of race. I'm always called Malay, Chilayan, Chindian, Polynesian, Indonesian, Sarawakian.... never Japanese. Or Korean. Or Eurasian, like Joel. Hmm. It seems I have a very native tribal look about me. 

Though I do NOT resemble Pocahontas. That's like, native American. Way too tribal there. I'll always have an Asian look. ASIAN POWER WOOHOO.

Okay, rants are over for now. Time to get going on another presentation, sigh. The never ending streams of presentations are wearing me out.

Brace Yourself

The panic-stricken mode of flying pens are incoming.

Rainbows?

So, Friday was our final day of ISU presentations for our Challenge & Change class. To give clearer definitions so certain readers don't get lost, C&C is technically about Sociology, Psychology and such stuff, and our ISU is the main independent coursework project that takes up a whole lot of your final marks. We had to research a certain topic, carry out a survey, etc. etc. Our presentations were the final stage for our ISU, and so we're DONE. Wahahaha. 


But again, that's not the point. Every individual has a different topic, mostly regarding human nature and society problems or taboos. The week of presentations went fine... till the last day. That actually went fine too, till Shaz's turn to present came up. Her topic had been about homosexuality, a certain subject I tend to avoid. It was awkward enough doing her survey(I skimmed through it real quick), but it was even more awkward sitting there in class amongst fellow classmates and a teacher who highly supports homosexuality. 


The one thing I've been constantly taught in C&C is about acceptance and support for homosexuals, bisexuals, and so on and so forth. According to my lecturer, homosexuals are born this way -quote Lady Gaga- and you can't change a homosexual just as you cannot change a heterosexual. As a Christian, I don't believe homosexuals should be discriminated. I'm pretty sure gay people are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet around. But as a Christian, I also cannot accept what is not natural, what God has not made. God made a man for a woman, and vice versa. 


"God made Adam and Eve--- NOT Adam and Steve!"
-Unknown.


I remember reading that quote in a little children's booklet that teaches about Christian living. I loved those little booklets; they taught Christian values through little stories that were sometimes heartbreaking, in comic strips so it appealed to young people. I've been brought up to know that homosexuality is against what my God naturally made human beings for...... it's like we've been mutated by Satan and his demons. 
It's definitely a sensitive issue, with me writing this on my blog. The majority of the people around me highly support homosexuality. For me, I neither support nor go against. I don't discriminate, nor do I condone it. 


If I revealed this to any of my CPU classmates, I'll prolly be faced with shocked expressions of disbelief. How can I explain why I have these perceptions, when they do not know my God? How can they understand why I choose obedience to God over worldly perspectives? That's the point, they cannot. It's not even their fault. They don't know any better; they didn't grow up in a Christian home, with a God that guided them.


Most people put it down to 'religious beliefs'. My beliefs are not religious piety. How will people understand that I do not discriminate, but yet will not support? What I worry about most is whether this will tarnish the image of Christians and Christianity. Because, this, in turns, tarnishes the image of our Lord. I want to be obedient, I want to adhere to what God says, and this would mean having to be a whole lot different from the people of the world. I want to show others that my Lord is a great God through myself, through my behavior, through the way I portray myself. Isn't that what we're meant on this earth for, to impact lives, and to carry out God's mission to save souls? 


It's a fine line to balance between obeying God and not offending LGBTs. We're all sinners, its true, and no one should judge another because only God can do that. 


The best we can all do, of course, is to pray for them. 
How much change, though, can I bring, when I myself am as lost as they are?

Windblown

You practically captured my typical Asian-ness and the habits that I developed whenever surrounded by an endless stretch of sand. :DD

Honestly, I don't know why the picture got cut off at the bottom. I was so peeved that I lost my feet and me slippers.. grrrrrr. But most of all, I was sad because then the full glory of your talent can't be displayed. You deserve so much more than just three-quarters of a masterpiece. D: 

I thought maybe you'd get embarrassed if I posted it on Facebook, so I decided to put this up instead. Because you're an awesome brother, and because I love it to pieces, and because I freaking miss my punchbag buddy. You should've drawn yourself into the background. Yeah, like, playing beach volleyball or something, or like, running after my hat. Or, if you prefer modern portraits, you could be photobombing my picture. XD Like, with you doing some random starjump or something. That would've been AWESOME. But it doesn't make me love this any less! :D

It's absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Kor. All that time spent over the detail on the leaves and plants...goodness. No wonder it ate up your time. And to think you squeezed it all in, what with having to work, and train, and apply for university? D'aww... *HUG* You're incredibly sweet. Thank you for all the time and dedication you put into this, just to make me smile. 

*HUG* 

(Technically, you deserve a punch, but I'll just let this slip this once. Don't push your luck though. Hrhrhrh.)

God bless you. Oh wait, He already has. 

God bless you even MORE! :DD

Tinkle

I don't care what everyone says; snow globes that go round its own little world sprinkling sweet tunes in the air is never too childish. Never, in a lifetime. Especially when they come as a surprise.

Thank you. It was amazingly lovely. 

Offset

Physically, mentally, spiritually. 


Dead. 




When you've lost your ability to pray. When everyone around you is praising in tongue, crying out in the same spirit of togetherness, when everyone is bound together in prayer.... and you're left there by yourself. Because your heart is hardened, cold, not of the Holy Spirit. And all I can do is stand by and watch. 


God said 'let the weak say he is strong.. in Me, through Me.' 
There is no way I am strong. I am the weakest person I know. There is no strength in me. I am of no worth. I keep hearing people say, "God has a plan for you! A purpose for you! There's a reason! He's going to use you! Nobody is useless!" 
Me? Bullshit. The only reason God is probably gonna use me is as an example to other young Christians what NOT to become, what NOT to descend to, how NOT to be weak. Excuse the self-pity here. 


There is no strength in such a person like me. Remember that.

Freebies

Yesterday:

"What are you watching?"

"People giving birth."

"WHY are you watching people giving birth?!?"

"It's amusing."

"What?"

"Hey, we got free channels for a limited time only. Might as well make use of it right?"

Today:

"What are you watching?"

"People who got brainwashed."

"WHAT.."

"It's about weird cults in America that make kids and people do weird stuff."

"Ahh... I see. What's this?"

"This dude here says he's God. And that girls gotta 'entertain' him or they'll burn in Hell."

"Ohmygaw.."

"And that dude is some black-supremacy nut who wants to kill white people."

Later... 

"What are you watching?"

"Bridezillas."

I'll admit. Free channels do offer interesting entertainment at times.

Long Gone

I never went to prom. 

And honestly, I wished I did. I wished that the stupid prom committee during high school hadn't made the whole thing some dumb exclusive thing for themselves and their friends. I wished that I had had the chance to dress up, to meet with my girlfriends, and go off in excitement to the venue. I wished that we had held sleepovers, went shopping together, discussed our outfits, exchanged accessories, and helped each other with our make-up(though my face will probably be more bare-faced than made-up, heh). 

I wished I had more friends at college, that I could go to prom with. But I don't. I'm not the most sociable person ever, unlike most people I know. I'm too quiet, I'm terrible at making friends. 

But I'm complaining too much. All this is of my own doing. And I'll have to pay for it.

Steph has been to prom; twice. College is, at any rate, my last chance of going to prom, and I've thrown it away. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that. 

I've tried hard not to let the pressure get to me, that not having experienced prom is not the worst thing ever. It's not the worst thing, true, but I keep encountering people and their prom memories, all those cheesy photos with overdone make-up and elaborate glittery outfits, and eventually it hurts. It sucks to not know how it feels, something that everyone else around you knows and has experienced. 

But who am I kidding? There's no point in looking back now. Even if it's one of my biggest regrets in life. I suppose it's a small thing, not worth fussing over, and I don't fuss over it. 

I just didn't know that a tiny decision I never thought twice about would affect me this bad in the future.