Found

FOUND

"I promised to show you just how much I love you

You will be waiting for the answer, though I have already put it in you

Surprise will not be there, when I compel you to turn around

To see what I have done, you will therefore be found."

This one is for You, Lord. 

At times when I am stressed out, worried, and frazzled with so much to do,

I think of what You've done, it helps me trust in You.

I know you understand. You always do. 

Found

I'm home. 

To You:

You found me. 

To you: 

You found me.

Merrymaking

MERRYMAKING

Going off to my first youth camp in a few hours(What am I doing still awake?). 

Fraser's Hill. In November. Fantastic. 

16 degrees, Esther Marie said. I am beginning to doubt the clothes I packed are going to keep my warm. :S

Also, I am suffering from a slight cold and a dry throat... the last place I should be heading to is some chilly hillside resort where I have the potential to turn into an icicle. I stuffed myself yesterday and today with garlic pills, and the sneezing and sniffing subsided, but my throat is still dry, and dry it will remain. I'm thinking of mixing a diluted honey solution again to bring along with me, like I did for class today. I'm thankful though, that its not a sore throat. Sore throats are HORRIBLE. They hurt, you can't talk, and you can't eat. D: At least with a dry throat it doesn't hurt too bad, and I can still talk as much as I want(though I spoke with an odd tune similar to a croaking toad during theater class today). Oh well. Plenty of time tomorrow morning. *cough*

Still, I look forward to having a blast of a time :)). I've been looking forward to it for a really long time, and I can't wait to spend an awesome time with all my best buddies. And also...to spend time with God. I must never ever forget our main goal of the camp; and that's to get closer to the Lord. And I need that right now.

Peace out.

War

WAR

... turns out, our internet did get the medical attention it needed after all. Oh my drug. What would I do without you. 

Aaaanyways.... just wanted to record some random conversation I had with my mom about a certain situation when I got home. 

Me: *Enters bathroom. Spots the little devil crouching on the tank top.*

                  * Withholds intense panic attack within my chest*

"Mom?"

"What?"

"Can you please come kill that bug in the bathroom?"

*Sighing. Footsteps.*

*(WHACK. WHACK. WHACK)* 

*Footsteps*

"... is it dead?"

"Yes lah, si liao lah! Anie kia cho hami, that was so easy. It's just a cockroach!"

"THAT COCKROACH GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK LAST NIGHT AT 3AM IN THE MORNING AND I TRIED TO KILL IT BUT IT SOMEHOW EVADED ME AND I COULDN'T FIND IT THAT NIGHT AND THIS MORNING IT WAS ON THE CEILING AND WHEN I CAME BACK IT WAS STILL ALIVE OHMYGOSH I HATE COCKROACHES I HATE THEM I HATE COCKROACHES."

"Oh but it came down right? It was on the tank top. All you had to do was just squash it with something heavy."

"It was a cockroach." *Shudder*

"Aiya, it's just a cockroach. Now, if it were a snake...." 

".... I'll be the first one in the bathroom to try and catch it." 

Let's face it. I have an intense fear of cockroaches. 3AM in the morning, that was a nasty, nasty, surprise and I refused to use to bathroom in my room. Don't even ask where it was hiding. And I'm serious about the snake. I almost caught this baby green garden snake that our cat brought in when I was about ten, but my mom started shrieking and pulled me into the house before ordering my brother to get rid of it. I was that close to actually catching it in my palms.. darn. I love snakes. Mom hates them. She fears them. Its the one thing she can't stand in life, aside from heights. But heights are avoidable. Snakes, like cockroaches, are not. And, come to think about it, I would have liked a snake to come into my bathroom at that moment so it could eat that freaking bugger that's terrorizing my territory. Cockroaches: They're EVIL. Evil, evil, cursed creatures. Yet, so indestructible. *SHUDDER*

DEATH TO ALL COCKROACHES.

Last night's invasion was the last straw. I am now going for battle. War has been declared.

No Internet

DRUGGED

Sometimes, I think we're too reliant on technology, and too hooked on the internet. People work twice as hard to fight drug abuse, drug smuggling, drug trafficking, etc., but the biggest, most addictive, and yet most problematic drug is the internet. Practically 90% of the world is hooked on it, or can't live without it. I'm not gonna lie; that 90% includes me too. We're all internet junkies. We go through withdrawal symptoms when the presence of internet ceases even for a few hours. We become cold turkeys.

Last night, our internet failed. AGAIN. I switched it on after I returned from class, and after a few hours on the usual Facebook and college portal and world news and typing out my self-evaluation for the Terry Fox Run volunteering and skype, I took a dash for a quick nap. Waking up about an hour and a half later, I came out of my room and discovered the inevitable: the yellow light on the modem was blinking. Yes. BLINKING. Can you believe that? It worked perfectly fine the whole evening, and it wasn't even raining, and I take some forty(okay maybe multiply that by a hundred) winks and it just goes haywire! I left it as it was thinking it would sort itself out(our internet has a mind of its own; it tends to have bad hair days like humans, apparently), but when it didn't, and I needed to do work, Dad and Kor tried to fix it.

Obviously, they were unsuccessful. Despite all their best efforts(Dad was even on the phone with some maintenance lady from the internet people), I just somehow knew I wasn't gonna be accessing anything on the internet that night. And I was right. I've known my internet far too well; and judging by its history, it has a stubborn, stubborn character.

See what I mean? We're so wrapped up with internet, we can't live with it for one night. We practically treat it like family, sometimes better than family. When its sick, we rush to get it medical assistance. We unplug it to make sure it doesn't get fried by lightning during thunderstorms. We have it on all day sometimes. We communicate with it without fail..every. single. day. Hm. I think we treat the internet better than our family members. *Guilty confession*

Anyways, to cut the long story short(and also cause I'm rushing to go home cause I'm hungry but I wanna post this first while I'm at college where internet is existent just in case I go home and our internet is still on holiday or something), our internet is...still dead. I have a feeling its not gonna be up when I reach home, so I'm typing this out in the computer lab in school, just to remind myself that sometimes, you can live without the internet.

If I'm lucky Dad got it fixed while I was having classes. If not...then I'll have to find ways to entertain myself. Although these days I'm not suppose to be doing anything but studying. Okay I'm rambling now. It's nearly 4pm. Gotta rush home before the jam starts.... adios amigos! :DD

(ALSO I'M SUPER HAPPY BECAUSE THERE'S NO BIO TEST TOMORROW AND I DON'T HAVE TO STUDY TONIGHT I CAN FINISH MY THEATRE AND THEN LOOK FORWARD TO CAMP HURRAHHHH)

(...... that's the last time I'm eating Subway cookies. )

Ciao.

Sights

SIGHTS

White and cream. 

Indeed, Esther, indeed.

Aches

ACHES

You're prolly not gonna read this ever, but you should know something.


YOU ARE AWESOME. 


How dare you say you're not good enough? How dare you think you don't mean much to your brothers or friends or loved ones? How could you lie to yourself and bring yourself down like that? D:
We love you Matthew. God loves you. That's why He's given us someone as special as you in our lives. Because we needed someone like you; to bring us up when we are down, to bring us down if we are too high up, to encourage us in the ways of the Lord, to be the light of the party, to cheer us up, to cook us awesomely delicious food(I'll never forget that), and most of all, to be the older brother I never had.


Yep. You heard me. Well, not yet obviously. One day, perhaps, I'll get to tell you. But it does kill me to think that someone like you would have such depressing thoughts, worst of all about himself. We are all human, it is true; Satan always tries to put doubts and worries in your head, but it doesn't mean you cannot overcome them. I am in no position to do much, but I shall pray for you. I shall pray that you see what a blessing you truly are; and what an amazing brother you are to AJ, I shall pray that you see yourself as you truly are--- humble, honest, lovable, funny, protective, loving, cheery, strong, sensible, talented, smart ...and many other characteristics which I do not know of.


I hate to see you bring yourself down; but I can always understand that. I do that all the time to myself... I never think I am good enough and see the faults in myself instead and focus on them even when others try to tell me otherwise. So, you are not alone. You shall pull through this. I know you will... because nobody is going to let you do this to yourself. I certainly won't.. and I've only known you for like what, three months? See, that's how much of an impact you have. I trust you more than people I've known for years. :P


Maybe one day when I've gained your trust, I can drill it into your head so those horrible thoughts get pushed out. Imma shake it into you so stop getting upset. If that's what it takes, because we all hate to see you like this, and it upsets everyone who cares for you. 
So cheer up :). Stop thinking so lowly of yourself. You are blessed, and you are a blessing to others. 
Thankyou for being the awesome big bro I needed my whole life! :DD 




Peace out.

Gone

GONE

You will be missed dearly.

Thank you for being the best ever math teacher I've ever had in my life. Thank you for your enduring patience, your endless dedication, your genuine commitment to the future of the current younger generation. Thank you for the wonderfully tough love you had for every single student in school, regardless of who we were and your unblemished perception of us cheeky boys and girls despite all the wrongs we commit in school. Thank you for your nonjudgmental views and your ability to see beyond a student's problems and instead see the potential to be utilized, be it to become someone better or someone great. Thank you for your amazing encouragement that has been the bane of support for all the nervous students experiencing pre-exam jitters during our major examinations. Thank you for your constant intimidating presence that stalked the school with the rotan by your side. Thank you for the warnings, the jokes, the discipline that made us who we are today.

But most of all, thank you for making our high school experience a memorable one. You were loved deeply by all; you will continue to be loved in our memories forever in return for all the sacrifices you have made.

I am proud and honored to have been one of those under your personal tutoring. I am thankful, and I am blessed. After all, if it hadn't been for you, there was no way I'd be able to understand Math! :')

Rest in peace, Mr Ang Tun Seng.

You were the invisible blessing to the hundreds, maybe thousands, of students that came and went since the establishment of SMK Subang Utama. We love you, we miss you, and a part of you will always remain in us students whom you've made an incredible impact on. 

Even till your last breath, you fought. You stayed true to what you always taught us; and that was to never give up despite how hopeless the situation seemed.

God bless your wonderful, caring, humble soul. 

Sincerely;

All your crazy ex-students and students of SMKSU

Me

ME?

I am tired.

I am exhausted.

I am craving for McFlurry Oreo Icecream. 

I am hungry.

I am sleepy.

.....

I have to get up at 6am tomorrow.

Don't you just love my life? 

Tension

TENSION

..some days, I just hate college. Conflict, conflict, conflict, conflict. I'm so glad it's Thursday; two more hours of English, then home. Then, FRIDAY! :DDD

I miss all my youth members so much :( After such a socially tensioned-week all I wanna do is be around the people that I love most, that love me for who I am, that don't slap me with cutting remarks and whom I don't feel like I need to hide anything from. Thank the Lord I have you all, if it wasn't for every Friday night, my life would be unbearable with all this tension and conflict that surround me each day. 

Theresa, Debbie, Adrian, Matthew, Chris, Danny.... I can't wait to see the bunch of you annoyingly lovable people tomorrow night! ;D

Oh, and Adrian, nice job there with your tests. I'm so proud of you. See, this is the part where I say I told you so. Well. I TOLD YOU SO ;D Aced with flying colors, you did. Praise the Lord! :) *dances for joy on your behalf*

*Was kidding. I don't dance. Ever. Not since that night when you made us do so.*

*Prances and frolics instead*

.. this is getting stupid. I don't know what's the matter with me lately; I've been acting crazy and not myself. Somebody knock some sense into me!

Anyways, yes, I'm very very very hua hee for you. Now get yourself back here. Miss you loads already. *COUGHIDIDNOTSAYTHATCOUGH*.

*Hides in embarassment*

....

*Leaves*



Scarred

SCARRED

No, not in that sense. As in literally.

WARNING. Not for the faint-hearted.

... I'm kidding. XD

It's not that graphic-looking, just a very painful mistake that will serve to remind you to be a little more careful when you use sharp objects. 

It sorta looks like a blister from here, but in reality the skin actually got ripped right off the flesh. So much so when I washed it all I saw was the white flesh beneath...before the blood began to gush.

Thank goodness for the aloe vera. If I hadn't smothered the wound with a mountain of it, my towel would've gotten drenched and I would lose a significant amount of haemoglobin. The blood attempted to squeeze out, so my knee looked kinda gross with this magnified red spot on it.

For the second time too. I ripped the skin off my finger during the class camp just recently trying to climb up a wooden wall. There was no aloe vera, and I had to crawl through mud, kayak and so on. I mean, I loved it immensely, the activities, of course, but who knew getting a bleeding finger would make things almost 10 times harder and less enjoyable? >.< People think its just a tiny thing... heck are they wrong. You may be surprised that the tiniest cuts and bruises hurt the most. In my case, it wasn't a cut.. it was a freaking section of my skin getting ripped off and I was in pain for two days.

.. why am I blogging about getting my skin ripped off? Omg, seriously, Esther, you've gone nuts. It must be the cold you have. Or the lack of sleep. Or the hour. Mad child.

In any case, scars aren't bad. They're awesome indeed. I have more than ten scars on my legs, all beautifully accumulated over the years of rough and tumble. The large ones on the knees came from a horrific bicycle crash(man, was that epic), running and falling, tripping and falling, and a whole bunch of other accidents. While most girls complain about their scars, I'm actually proud of mine. Sure, they don't look pretty, especially if you're all dressed up. Sure, guys don't relish girls with bare legs covered in marks and dark splotches. Sure, they're ways to 'lighten' the skin and get rid of the marks. 

But what for? I love my scars. They're part of who I am, they display my childhood years; without them, how would I remember what I did and all I'd been through? I've heard complains over and over again from classmates who have less scars than I do, and yet fuss over how to get rid of them. I wouldn't bother with mine.

In fact, I just added another one ;). Shucks. I just counted about eleven on both legs, this might be a twelfth. Oh well. Welcome to the family. 

P.S There is also a scar on my finger from when the skin got ripped off. It's healed now, but a mark remains.  It's not noticeable, but I notice it all the time. Hrhrhr. 

Whirlwind

WHIRLWIND

It's been one rollercoaster of a weekend. 

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, all filled to the brim. College, youth, birthday gathering, volunteer work. So much to do, so little time for myself. So little time for the things I want time for. In fact, barely any time at all. 

Still, we all had time for an awesome person we all love on Saturday, so much so we spent the entire day with him. :)

 We had waffles for lunch. Best. meal. Ever. Adrian's mom is an awesome cook. And the peanut butter..and the applesauce...and the maple syrup.. ohmygoodness. I can feel myself growing horizontal just thinking about all the food I devoured. *Sob*.

BROWNIES! :D :D :D

Those brownies are sooooo awesomely good. When I first tasted them, it was like, *quoting someone else here*, God baked them in Heaven's kitchens and sent a tray down here as a gift. Yeah, you heard me.

And the pile of shrivelled looking things there are actually waffles made without carbs and sugar, in other words, healthy options to the usual delicious treat. They actually taste awesome too. Everything tasted awesome that day. :D

(I just realized, I'm over-using the word 'awesome'. Grrrrr. Forgive me.)

What next? Hmmm.

Well. I kinda forgot it was a boys' group gathering. 

Surprised? I was the only girl there(their mom aside, cause she's a woman, hehehe <.< ). 

Joel went straight to the xbox, and Chris proceeded directly to his computer after lunch. How typical of younger brothers. 

As for the rest? 

This is the view they wake up to every single day.

I snapped that at the hall window. Ain't it gorgeous? :)

Isaac and Adrian.

Joshua was supposed to come with us, but he had something on at the last minute, so he missed out on the fun. Adrian wore that awesome blue shirt that I love( I'd die to have one of my own, but if it's a Malaysian flag on it, I'll pass thanks) :D In fact, almost everything he wears is dark blue in color. Talk about commitment to your favorite shade.

We were sipping ginger tea and crunching on some really yummy biscuits while talking away about any random thing that came to mind. Yeah, we sound like elderly folk. Only we weren't wearing dentures and sitting in wheelchairs or had minders watching our every move. 

This buddy of mine here definitely did not act like an elderly man.

Joel played the xbox for nearly the whole time, till we decided to switch strategies and make it a four-player game. Joel, Isaac, Adrian...and me. I was nonchalantly handed the controller, told to get my game face on, and despite my constant protests got dragged into playing Marvel superhero characters that I've never touched before, never dreamed of playing, never wanted to play, and never expected to play before!

.. not that it was a bad thing, mind you XD. I learnt how to play the xbox! And that I suck at it! 

I chose Iron Man as my character before we realized it was a mix-up and Joel got Iron Man and I was stuck with his rather lame Captain America. After a whole lot of getting lost amongst enemies and allies and getting killed, I decided to switch to Wolverine just so I could SEE where I was(Wolverine had a nice bright yellow outfit on). It worked for awhile, till the game progressed and Isaac and I began to realize that our Spider-man and Wolverine were getting more and more useless as the enemy became tougher and tougher. Not to mention Adrian emphasized our diminishing roles by switching to Magneto and literally bulldozing everyone who got in his way. I didn't even need to do any clawing around.

Finally, I got tired and switched to Human Torch. And I was like, "FINALLY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY PERFECT BELOVED LITTLE FIREBALL??" I finally became useful, because I could throw fireballs from long-range, splorge pillars of flame into an enemy's face, explode into a human flame when surrounded by enemies, and(the best thing of all) if I ever lost myself on the screen, all I had to do was go 'flame on' and fly into the air like a man on fire! Hah! Beat that Magneto! 

I suppose you can say it was a pretty eventful xbox session XD. I learned a lot of things. Like how an entire day can fly by in an instant when you start playing the xbox. 

Dinnertime! :)

I couldn't help but sniff the gorgeous smell coming from the kitchen ;D. The soup is sooooooooooo good; sigh. And I nearly got addicted to the coleslaw, because..well... it was delicious tooo! T.T 

Sorry, food person talking here. Unlike someone I know, who just doesn't eat at all.

That person is definitely not my brother, I can tell you XD.

Last thing he'll ever do is not eat. I've never  known a day when he is not hungry. He outeats me any day, any time. And I'm one heck of an eater too, for a girl. ;) And proud of it!

Seriously though, I have to stop eating. If any more of these gorgeous foods turn up I am sooooo dead. Apparently, people are trying to fatten me up when I'm supposed to be downsizing, that's why I gotta resist temptations.

Board game hour: Cash Flow.

Like my red mouse and cheese? :D

This game went on forever XD. It'd been ages since I last played a board game(The Game of Life, yes), but this one was pretty interesting because it taught me how to, um, invest. Dad would've aced this game if we played it with him; him and all his business skills are no match for a simple board game! XD 

Adrian's mom literally out-played the bunch of us. Even Chris, who was the lawyer and had the highest salary pay. I got a teacher(no, that is not one of my future aspirations ever), Adrian was a secretary(hrhrhrhrhr....), Joel was.. someone, and poor Isaac fared the worst as a janitor. :P 

However, just before we embarked on playing rats... 

.. the moment we'd all been waiting for! :D

The awesome part was, instead of the same old boring birthday cake, there were brownies and whipped cream served with chocolate-coated(Nutella, in fact) strawberries! :DDD All complete with a candle and the traditional birthday sing-along... hahaha. We're all still kids at heart, we are. 

There's the birthday boy! 

Enjoying his favorite food of all, chocolate-coated strawberries :D. Doesn't he look great in that pic? All smiles while impatiently waiting for me to finish taking a snapshot so he could devour his chocolate and strawberry concoction! I'd never tasted them before, so right before I did he was like, "Your life is about to be changed FOREVER." With all that drama in his voice too.You have no idea how much I LOL-ed at that statement XD.

MostawesomemouthwateringdesserteveromgI'mdroolingjustlookingatthis..

My verdict on the strawberries..? They were.... TERRIBLE. Yes, an abomination. Just kidding XD. They actually taste wonderful..but nowhere near a match to those brownies :D. 

OMG THOSE BROWNIES. 

They were like, baked in Heaven's kitchens by the hand of God or something. But I think I've said that already. Cut out the repetitions, Esther, seriously. I suppose you can say I feel about those brownies the way Adrian feels about his strawberries. End of story. :)

Cyclops Chris.

He was taking horribly retarded photos of me all day, so I tried to get my revenge, but he spotted me too fast and flashed his cammie up in counter-attack. It was hilarious though. I couldn't stop laughing.

Before we left, I wanted to get a group shot, so this was what we ended up with:

XD

My bad. I forgot to set the timer, and undo the flash, and we got that by accident. I just had to put it up here; it was too funny to leave in my photo archive! :D

This is the ready shot. :)

Everyone looks awesome except me. But then I always mess up my pictures, that's why I hide my face all the time. But oh well... I had such an awesome time, I couldn't care less :D.

We left preeeeeeetty late, almost at midnight. Yup. Overstaying. In the midst of all the excitement, I'd forgotten my manners. That was the only downpart of the day(night?), and also for getting poor Isaac in trouble because he drove and followed me home in his car. So, yea, I'm sorry guys, for the trouble I caused. I should've known better, but I didn't. :(

But, anyways, we had an awesome, awesome, awesome time :)

God bless you all, everyone up there in that pic! Especially Aunty Glenda, she is soooo nice, for putting up with the lot of us kids. XD And Matthew, for being our 'slave'. Hehehe.

Party? 

More like, having friends over for the day to enjoy ourselves XD. 

I think its waaay better than the usual parties and celebrations I'd always gone too, big groups and all with many unknown people who ignore me. 

After all, there's a first for everything right? :)

Peace. Out. 

Friday Night Lights

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

"Augh..the game of Life. The last time I played that game, I had five kids and my car got overloaded."

"Hrm. That's funny. Adrian had five kids too!" 

 

*Bunch of giggles and snickering*

"........................."

"........................................"

*Awkward silence commences* 

... I so apologize for that. I didn't mean for it to happen, and it wasn't really funny. At. All. I felt bad for you after seeing your face. Won't happen again. Promise. I won't let it. That was like, the most awkward moment, ever. 

And to make up for it, I'll choose..two numbers tomorrow(well, today, I mean, but seeing as I'm writing this right after coming home and am going to sleep soon, I still consider it night though its actually early in the morning), okay? :D I can message it to you or something since I'm not coming. Or, you could get on skype and I'll send you the numbers. Deal? 

Deal. There, promise made. Now, it's sleep time. Bed, where art thou? 

You

:)

I meant this to be a looooooooooooong little post dedicated especially to you on your special day, but  figured you'd get tired of all this... 'sweet' little things. XD 

So...this is just a little something for you(again), seeing you start off your day by happily visiting my blog. 

Dear AJ,

I could go on and on and on till the cows come home AND go off in the morning AND come home again, about all the silly things that we've been through, all the awkward moments, then the laughter, that led to today. You make me happy, you make me appreciate myself for who I am, you tell me that I am sweet and beautiful when I never think that way of myself, you tell me that God still loves me and will always be there for me despite all those times when I am feeling distressed. 

I still find it difficult to believe that five months ago, all I did was admire you from afar, keep wishing that I could just muster up enough courage to say hi but never did, watch as you maneuvered across the Skytrex course after crashing to the ground while attempting that flip, watch in awe at your mime performance, scold myself as I resist adding you on Facebook, laugh when I coincidentally see you at 'that chinese place', get all nervous when I wrote on your facebook wall for the first time, freeze when I next encounter you during lunch(seriously...),...okay I must stop now.

That was just the beginning of everything, and never in my wildest dreams did I believe that we would be here, where we are today. I've done plenty of dreaming, but those dreams stayed what they were-- dreams. You must know something : I dreamt of you laughing with me; that came true. I dreamt of you being a great friend; that came true. I dreamt of you giving me the best hug EVER; THAT, unbelievably, came true. 

But I won't bore you with my silly dreams. :P 

You're a darling, a sweetheart, an understanding and gentle companion, the best friend, son and brother anyone could ever want. And that's the reason why I had to do what I did today, I just had to see you; I missed your hugs, I missed being around you alone... I missed you. You're very dear to me, just remember that, just as you are dear to your family, your friends and God. 

So, for the very last time before the clock strikes twelve, 

HAPPY BLESSED 19TH BIRTHDAY, REMY. ;)

(Hope you don't mind me stealing this adorable photo of you off your mom's facebook; I didn't have another nice shot of you, so I decided it would be a great idea to grab this and humiliate you in public  XD )

I hope I managed to make your birthday a little more awesome. 

I will never forget how you looked at me today, it was so different, your eyes lit up with something I couldn't quite fathom. It looked magical, as if those hazels suddenly took a life of their own. They were beautiful, so much so not even those sixteen stanzas could do any justice to it. They were smiling at me, a thousand charming little smiles through those brilliant green shades.

Keep smiling, daydreamer. ;)


*hug*


Lots of love, 
Esther/Keh Wen/Lepsy.