Critic

"Good friends stab each other in the front.". 
-Oscar Wilde. 


What is the cost of being such a friend? I suppose there is a line between being too honest, being gentle, and sugarcoating situations to the point you might as well be lying. Do others actually appreciate you being honest and speaking your mind? What if in doing so I have hurt others, and I just thought I was doing a good turn?

Truly, friendship is a complicated mess of a spider's web. It seems easy, yet it's not. I'm not the best person when it comes to making friends; new people scare me, I get nervous, I keep to myself, I don't know how to mingle. And during those times, I usually end up being the odd one out, and I'd go home and call myself a failure. So yes, that's my sob story. Everyone has a sob story of their own, but I'm trying to break out and not rely on my past. I have to try.

When they said your biggest  enemy is yourself, they were more than just right. They were precise. They were exact. I find the biggest enemy in myself. Wondering, have I been a good friend? A respectful daughter? A supportive sister? An understanding girlfriend? 
How do people perceive me? Arrogant? Cold? Quiet? Awkward? Strange? I have worried too much over what people think of me. What terrible mistakes have I done in the past that I should correct?

I wonder, as I previously have on my previous post, whether I have been too honest. Too much of a pusher. And even so... have I ever been supportive enough? Kind enough? Sweet enough? Loving enough? Oh, the freaking melancholy of questions and wondering!

Life is trial and error, I suppose, and lessons learnt, that is, if you do learn them. 
So, perhaps I'll be a better person one day.

Someone who knows how to walk the line between honest and gentle, and brutally honest and sugarcoating lies. Perhaps I should be appreciated for it, perhaps not. i just hope I don't make irreversible mistakes that will cost me endless regret.