You Remind Me

THIS IS HOW..

.. you remind me of what i really am.

Gina just told me that my coach asked her whether i made it to MSSM today at Lakeview.
I wanted to go today and tell him myself but my mum was tired and i decided it wouldnt be fair to exhaust her further.

I dread telling him the news tomorrow.
And the re-opening of another nightmare chapter in my life.

I dont know how he will react, but despite knowing he wont blame me i still feel i've let him down, let myself down, let my teammates down.
How much more heartache must i take? My mind has not strayed from my focus on exams, but after that what will old pains inflict me with? Wounds that will refuse to heal, or scars that will forever sting when disturbed.


I just feel so troubled and sore. I'm on the brink of throwing myself off a cliff. People say dont dwell on the past but i did try to forget it and it was ok for awhile. I try to not let it haunt me and take control of me when there's always the future. But some memories leave such a bitter taste the bitterness will forever be etched in my mind.


But then again, that's life. You know what? I've enough of me. Get the hell over it, and move on.

What does reminiscing old mistakes bring you anyway? Emo-ness and no confidence.
I'm tired of being so weak. Its happened, so be it.

I'll make better mistakes in the future.