Waiting on You

I'm living off my mother's prayers
Counting on the words of her lips
Moving towards the heavenly realm
For God to have mercy on me. 

Four cubs of age
Still struggling to perfect our hunt
We chase for miles prey of all kinds
More often than not end up with less than none.

I wish I knew what to do
I know I am less than faithful
By being real, are mistakes okay-ed
Excusable? I wish I knew.

He's there, I know, every hour and every day
His love, I know, binds me
Despite my violent adultery
Despite the volatile state of immaturity. 

His words I hide out of sight
From him I turn away from daily
The privilege of this knowledge I reject
His gift I push away voluntarily.

My voice refuses to speak
To the one who I believe loves me most
Who constantly calls out my name
But I'm blinded and deafened, a choice I had made.

I am frozen, broken
Numb, exhausted.
Strong, and capable
Happy, but tired. 

Tell me how to build this faith
From scratch once more.
Scream at me to save myself
Your daughter, from this path. 

For my faith is dry, and parched like a rock
Fractured but intact, covered in dust.
Unused, forgotten, but not abandoned
Just waiting on someone,
someone to shine it up. 

I'm living off my mother's prayers,
the words on her lips. 
Inside I'm cold, Lord, cold and getting blue
On nights that I weep you know
I'm just waiting on you.