Once in Four Years,

CLIFF WAR.

Believe it or not, i went for christian fellowship todayyyyy! :D


LOL. i know.


My entire 4 years i signed up for CF and never attended once due to laziness of having to stay back(or in the case of afternoon session, too busy to show up early). I did try once before to stay back but then i realised i had to wait for half an hour so i headed home. Eheh.

This is probably my fault but i felt really awkward. I must have made a fool of myself standing around while the other seniors were busy getting things ready. So much so for a newcomer to feel shy but me? I'm worse than than them. And also because i came by myself and wasnt particularly acquainted with the CF ppl although i know who they are.

I know nobody can help me but myself but i sort of shrunk away when mr. jacob told everyone to shake hands with at least 30 people. I kind of, um, ran out of the hall. SORRY. D:
While everyone was in the chaotic business of intro and handshaking i stepped back outside.

I totally understand i am a jackass. But i have a socializing problem, okay?
Any random person reading this will probably be going, "whats so hard about shaking hands? Just make new friends laa..".


Yeah well now you know why i seem so unsociable. Its not that i want to. I envy ppl with so many friends who are able to make new ones whenever they come across new people. I struggled with this problem all my life and am still in the midst of breaking free of it. I worry that i will not be able to overcome it and remain like this for the rest of my life. I try so hard but i just dont know how, or whatever thats holding me back.

But all everybody offers as "help" is "change yourself".

Hah, easier said than done.

And you people think why i keep everything to myself.