Glitched

I spent Saturday night enjoying a movie with my brother, despite a very bad movie choice, it was an action film which I'd yet to watch. Heck, why not? It's holidays, duh, but I think I've repeated that enough.

Anyways, we watched 'Wrath of the Titans', complete with surround stereo sound loud enough to make the ground rumble. We put the volume as soft as possible, just enough for us to hear their voices speaking; but apparently it wasn't -quite- enough. The next morning mum related to me what happened the night before upstairs:

 "What's that noise? Sounds like thunder. Is it going to rain?"

*Looks out of window* "No.. the sky looks clear.."

 "There's the rumbling again. Omg, is that music I hear??"

"No, no.. I think it's thunder.. has to be thunder..,"

"Where got so loud until it shakes the floor?!"

"Oh yah hor. I hear music also..,"

XD. Yay blur parents. Dad and Mum disputed over the mystery of the rumbling thunder till Dad came down and went beserk over our 'loud' volume. He then preceded to change some settings which only muffled the speeches of the characters and had us kids complaining. Geez, dad.. keep your fingers to yourself.

But but but.. yeah, fun stuff aside, here's the mythology that inspired this Hollywood film that's filled with holes in every plot line:

Um.

Not exactly kid-friendly, but don't worry, this part of Greek mythology wasn't included in the movie. The portrayed character, Cronus, or Kronos, though, was in there as the final baddie or something. Turns out he's actually Zeus' and Hades' and Poseidon's daddy whom they overthrew before locking him up in some underworld place called Tartarus and 'forcing' poor Hades to guard him. Lol, talk about siblinghood. Oh, and the picture up there is from classic original stories.. Cronus apparently knew this prophecy that his kids would overthrow him one day, so he ate all of them the moment his wife gave birth to ensure that it never came to pass. Irony, it seems, since he himself overthrew his own dad before him. No wonder this was a start of one helluva dysfunctional family.

You got that right woman. 

Your husband-brother has a weird craving for kids... your kids. 

Other pictures I found were just.. way too gory and violent and gross and evil, so I picked a cuter version for PG purposes :D. 

But to continue my story from research.. Cronus couldn't prevent it after all. The prophecy thing, I mean. His wife(also incidentally his sister, Rhea, which just makes me feel extremely jelat), concealed the final birth of their son Zeus, after Cronus ate like, six or seven of her kids. And then you can figure out the story yourself from there.. Zeus was raised by so-and-so(I read it was his grandma Gaia), overpowered his old man, made him puke out his brothers and sisters, and rounded them up to overpower him and together they took over the world as 'gods'. Greek mythology is interesting... but weird. For goodness sake, Zeus, stop having kids with every woman and every creature. You're one sick person. He should be the god of lust or something, not the god of thunder. Apparently Aphrodite is the god of love and lust, but I don't see HER sleeping around with multiple men.. geez. Whoever created these 'gods' must've been drunk that night when he wrote out these stories.

Oh.. say hi to Kronos. 

This was the evil evil bad daddy in the film. He's so evil, he puts all domestic abusers to shame. I was watching this and was going like.. what? Are you serious? That's no way that dude could've even BEEN a father. How on earth did he father kids in the first place?! It doesn't make sense! That thing is a monster, how on earth did it get 'kids' in the form of.. of... humans?! Seriously? He comes out all fiery and raging like a flaming bull out for revenge on his kids(well, mainly Zeus, cause he hates that kid for tricking him and then leading the campaign to overthrow him and lock 'im up) only for Perseus to go shoot him down with the Trium Spear. I can only imagine how great it must've been for him to get some fresh air after centuries of being locked up, accompanied by blasts from his two sons, and then to be given a heart attack by his grandson. That's... some family reunion alright.

Zeus and Hades. Forgiven brothers.

(GO Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes! XD Gotta love em both.)

What I disliked about all this Hollywood interpretation of Greek mythology is the way they twist things and make it look so stereotypical. Just like in this film, and the predecessor, Hades was the antagonist. He's made to look like this angry, evil, bitter god of the underworld because he was 'banished' to be ruler of that part of the realm. Apparently, his two brothers betrayed him and he was forced to take the underworld while Zeus relaxed in the best part of heaven and Poseidon kicked his shoes off swimming in the sea. Original myth says Hades took the underworld of his own accord; the parts of the realm chosen by the three brothers were agreed on by all of them. Hades wanted the underworld. He liked fire. He had no reason to be mad at his big brothers. But in the movie, he was the mean one who conspired with Kronos, his old man, and one of Zeus' jealous sons, Ares, to betray Zeus and Poseidon in exchange for Kronos allowing them to keep their immortality. Ares is mad at his daddy cause daddy practiced favoritism; he liked Perseus, his half-human son, better than his full-god son. Sigh. 

Other glitches? Oh yes. Ares is purportedly the 'god of war' in the movie, and soldiers pray to him to get strength during battle. But during the mission to rescue Zeus, Perseus warns them to not pray to his brother(such bad blood, really?) or he'll find them and "we'll die.". I LOL-ed so bad at that statement XD. Pray to god, and die in return! Woohoo! What sort of god is he? He's a devil, not a god! Get your facts straight, people. Eventually, yes, there always has to be one desperate and annoying female soldier who shakily prays to Ares so he knew their location and came down with a flying attack. And yep, he killed her. Couldn't say he didn't tell ya..

Oh, and there's just one more thing, the biggest thing I was having a laugh about during the entire film. I told my brother, this is the epitome of family dysfunction. Like, literally. Perseus has a son, Helius. Perseus has to battle Ares, his brother, and kill him. Perseus has to go rescue his dad, whose being held by his uncle Hades. Perseus has to go get his screwed-up cousin Agenor, also the Navigator(Poseidon's son), to lead him to some mystical island. Perseus has to go get daddy before his grandad Kronos drains him of his power and life and gets released and destroys the world. Funny. Imagine the conversation he'd have with Helius before going off to war.

"Son, I'm going off to save the world from destruction. Stay here and be good."

"Where'd you going, dad?"

"To save your grandpa. Your great-grandad's lost his temper today."

"Where?"

"The underworld. Uncle Hades is holding him captive. Gotta go kick his ass."

"Oh, granduncle Hades. I remember him. Is anyone going with you?"

"Yes, your Uncle Agenor is coming with me. He has to show me the way."

"I don't remember Uncle Agenor..,"

"You know, my cousin. Your granduncle Poseidon's son."

"AH, I see. I've so many uncles, dad. Anymore I should keep in mind?"

"I forgot to tell you. I'm going to fight brutally with your Uncle Ares, he has some mental ego and pride issue that needs some seeing to. Be a good boy and don't pray to him. You don't want me to lose, do you?"

"Of course not. Unfortunately I can't pray to you, cause you're not a god. Why did you choose to be a human, dad??"

"I've told you that story already. Look, I'm running out of time. I've really gotta go, there's so much to do and that includes killing your great-grandpa today. I'm running late on schedule; and Grandpa Kronos is already in such a sour mood it'll be unwise to ruff his mood up even more. I'll see you around kay?"

"Bye dad! Have a good family reunion!"

"I will. Bye, son! Time to go kill your uncle Ares and your great-grandpa."

"Tell them I said hi."

Or even, what Perseus would say when he speared poor angry Kronos:

"GREAT-GRANDPA! IT'S GREAT TO FINALLY SEE YOU!"

*Spears Kronos*

I had a lot of fun coming up with random imaginary speeches in my head. I mean, it would all make sense if you put it in context too. Maybe others won't find it funny, but I do. I laughed to my heart's content at the end of the film. I was only sad when Zeus died. He sacrificed himself to save his brother Hades, the only ex-god who survived. Oh, and the final movie glitch? Apparently, these gods are so lousy they can die. Wow. Why did humans pray to them again..?

Moral of the story:

Hollywood ideas are all milked dry. Greek mythology is pretty dumb on its own, but seriously.. don't expose that to the world on such a large scale. I respect the history of the mythology(I find it weird but interesting) and I think large movie franchises like these spoil the overall classical vibe they portray. Take Percy Jackson for instance. It's just.. no. NO. You don't put some oh-so-cute-girls-wanna-squeeze-him kiddo as a demigod in a modern world! It just doesn't work! It's like taking the originality of Dracula and twisting it into the horrible grotesque image of...of.... arrrrghhhh EDWARD CULLEN AND THE SPARKLING VAMPIRE TRIBE. 

Okays, I better stop now before I get too carried away. 

Stupid movie..